Therapy, that’s why I have to write this.
I’m sat at my desk at 2 am wondering where it all went wrong.
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I have a bloody scratch on my neck, a throbbing headache, I have shed a bucket full of tears, my loving wife I cannot speak too, I am fearful.
I shall paint a picture for you. Have you ever been rejected? By a girlfriend or boyfriend? Going for a job? By a parent when wanting attention?
I imagine it was hard for you, you clearly still remember it, we have all been rejected, and it is not nice. I have been rejected by my son.
He has a rare genetic brain disorder. He cannot walk, he cannot talk, he needs Oxygen 24/7, we have been to the hospital a hundred times for a hundred different things, we have had to resuscitate him over 10 times.
None of this is a problem, and I don’t mind a single thing. It’s what we do as parents, and I know you are reading this as a parent or a parent to be (near or far). You will agree, we do everything we can for our children, we give them parts of ourselves as the building blocks for them to grow and develop into decent human beings.
However, the rejection is deep, I have given him everything, and I am fearful I have nothing left to give. I have been his best friend for the last 8 years, I know him the most, I pick up on all his signals and signs, (he uses Makaton), I know what he needs, and he needs me the most, he wants me to do everything for him and with him.
With this, he hurts me the most, physically and mentally. After you have given him 110% for 10 hours straight, calming him down when he gets mad, doing everything he wants in the exact order he demands, banging his head on a concrete floor because you misinterpreted his sign for food was not a sign for his Aunt.
I am broken, and I am rejected, the ease at which he hurts me I cannot take, and I wouldn’t expect anyone in the world to take this much abuse from the one person they love the most.
After reading this from 2 am, it’s now 7 am.
