The clarity I get from not drinking is undeniable.

Photo by Odd Fellow on Unsplash

The thought of sobriety used to terrify me.

I have thought about it for many months and years. It was always an idea, in the background. A fleeting thought whilst I was waking and feeling groggy and ashamed, usually because I had been rude to someone or thrown up everywhere. Or wandered off because I didn’t want the party to stop, and had befriended someone else to keep my night alive.

I used to think I am my best self after drink, the person I want to be: funny, chatty, confident. When I went on a date or out to…

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I’m sat at my desk at 2 am wondering where it all went wrong.

I have a bloody scratch on my neck, a throbbing headache, I have shed a bucket full of tears, my loving wife I cannot speak too, I am fearful.

I shall paint a picture for you. Have you ever been rejected? By a girlfriend or boyfriend? Going for a job? By a parent when wanting attention?

I imagine it was hard for you, you clearly still remember it, we have all been rejected, and it is not nice. I have been rejected by my son.

He has a rare genetic brain disorder. He cannot walk, he cannot talk, he needs…

My new normal and it could be yours too.

I, just like many of you out there, love drinking socially. It is my way of making an event more lively or to relax/forget, so I don't have to worry about life and its problems.

Or is it the best way to hide our addiction in plain sight?

The craving for alcohol had been on and off for the last couple of weeks.
After a stressful day, or if my disabled son lost the plot with me for no apparent reason, it made me crave alcohol.

These were the reasons I drank more and more in the first place.


Embrace it or f*** off.

I write this because I need to have a stern word with myself, and in turn, I am going to have a stern word with everyone who needs to read this.

Photo by Dan Burton on Unsplash

Don’t be the cause of further hurt and harm to your child.

Being a parent of a disabled child is tough. It sucks, everything you had imagined when you were told you were expecting. The joy, the excitement and the usual trepidation disappear. You now have real panic, real fear of the unknown. The worst thoughts come into your head.

However, you cannot be using the ‘poor me’ excuse…

I used to think meditation was for weirdos.

Meditation is for weird people.

That was honestly what I thought. I had the misconception that it was a thing strange people do who aren’t living in the real world. The truth is I had no idea what it was about, for what purpose it was used for and why not just get on with living your life and be happy.

You can’t live a positive life with a negative mind.

My very first experience of meditation…

A few years ago, I had my first experience of meditation. This was before mental health awareness, and meditation had become fashionable, more commonplace and socially acceptable. …

Look at the big picture, enjoy the small moments.

That is a brutal paragraph to write, yet I have to write it, for it may help others.

Photo by Heike Mintel on Unsplash

Two events have just happened that bring it all back to me, the fact that if we live longer than our son, it’s either a miracle that he has lived that long or a tragedy and either me or my wife have died young.

The first event was googling my son’s condition again.

I was intrigued, as he has a few other medical issues, and I wanted to see if anything was written about them on any journals or support groups that I follow.

I was scrolling away and came across a question about someone's average life expectancy with my son's syndrome. Of course, I opened it with bated breath, hoping for a cheerful, 40 or 50 years old and a story about how they typically get a job and raise a family and produce…

Unfortunately, the answer is not what you think.

We have a disabled son who has unusual facial features, pokes his tongue out a lot, can’t stand or walk and is on oxygen 24/7. He is clearly different.

There is a variety of interactions you get from having a disabled child. When walking down the street and around the park to going shopping or picking up our other children from nursery.

The double-take

The obvious ones are the double-take. I get it. He is different; it is natural for our brain to double-check anything that triggers our curiosity. The only real issue I have is not smiling or acknowledging he is…

Michael Constantine

Honest, Common Sense Provoker, Father of 3, husband of 1.

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